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Year 4- Your Captain will always reply….don’t worry.

by admin on May 29th, 2007

Dear Larisa.

Thank you for your prompt reply. You haven’t done many top secret, highly confidential transactions have you? Your letter reads as a form letter might read. I KNOW you’re not just sending me out a form letter. I have done many secret deals in my day…sorry I didn’t tell you that before…but I doubt, when my chamber of commerce provided you with information they told you much about me. I’m kind of a big deal. People KNOW me. I have access to many things.

In the type of top secret business I conduct…we establish relationships before transactions. We wouldn’t just start handing out information in our second meeting. I don’t yet know you Larisa….not well enough to know your business is legit. I appreciate the photocopy of your passport. You seem profoessional. Therefore you should understand the urgency of using code words…and code names. This is no Mickey Mouse operation. Is it?

Let’s get on to getting to know one another. I’ll ask you some questions. We’ll discusss, learn, and become old chaps…then in the future…when I refer to you I can say, “Larisa, that old chap…ahhhhh I know her well.”

1. First off. You say ‘I have perfected all modalities to actualize this transaction’ What does that even mean? Nobody talks like that.

2. You called me friend. I don’t yet consider you my friend Larisa…sorry. That’s why we’re learning….to become friends. I demand you call me by my code name- Captain.

3. Do you know the old wrestler Nikolai Volkov? He is a Russian legend…if you could perhaps get an autographed picture of him for me…it would do greatly in securing our friendship.

4. What is your favorite song on the radio now. If I’m honest, mine is Fergalicious…but only you will know that. Circle of trust.

5. You have a passport…where is the best place you’ve been?

6. Do you have any pets? I bet you have a Chihuahua…you look like a Chihuahua or Pomeranean person. Do they wear sweaters?

7. Do all Russians drink at work too? I had heard that, no offense…but I had heard that it’s ok to drink vodka at work…as long as it’s locally made.

8. How close are you to Red Square?

9. Which is your favorite Star Wars character? I’m a Chewbacca person myself..

10. Do you have any fake limbs? I do…is that a problem?

This concludes round 1 of our ‘getting to know each other’ phase. I look forward to your response Larisa, and eventually conducting business…

Sincerely,

Captain.

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