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Year 4 Day 31- the Aftermath…How’ How I’m doin’ that.

by admin on October 3rd, 2006

I think I’ve finally recovered fully from my weekend. I have been asked several times how I am able to remember things like this in detail, when clearly I am in no condition to even walk. The best I can explain it is like this; When I am in the middle of something that will surely be a great tale at a later time, my brain turns on the video recorder. It’s like a part of me separates and watches the rest of my body go through hell, and then remembers it for posterity. I’ve always been able to do it. Only once was I not able to recall what I did, and when told what I actually did… I was so glad. It involved being nearly dismantled by a large black football player, and kicking a bunch of walls… .I guess I stepped over the decency level somewhere, but that was a long time ago, and involved a half a bottle of Goldschlagger. Anyway, other than that time I’ve been able to remember most details from my exploits.

Then comes the question, WHY? Why does something like that happen? I can’t explain it. I really don’t like being to that point I’m a puking trainwreck, but it happens to a lot of people. I just don’t really enjoy it, nor do I look to get that way with any regularity. It just happens. I can describe it like this. I have two sides two my personality. Most people do. The one that shows up at work every day “The Captain.” The captain portion of my personality, is confident, and dynamic. It’s the ones that lives for the thrill of the story. It’s the one that makes me a decent teacher, because I don’t care too much if someone doesn’t like me, I just power through my day making sure I do my job as entertainingly as possible. The captain gets results. It’s not like some secret personality, it’s still ME, it’s just the part of me I’ve had to develop, and bring out more in order to make my job enjoyable, and to get my information across. The captain part also comes out when I’m on vacation, or when I’m drinking (most of the time.) The captain will do most anything if in the end it will make for a good story.

Most all of my friends know exactly when this happens.

This doesn’t mean I drink at work in order to make it easier. It’s just the situation. Most evenings if I’m out socially just hanging out, I don’t bring the captain out much, but this past weekend he ran the show.

The rest of my personality is about the exact opposite. It’s the part that frets, and worries about everything… and feels like everything is about ready to go completely off the map. It’s the part that has no clue how to deal with any of life’s challenges the right way, that neglects people and issues that are important. If you’ve read this the whole 4 years, This side was more evident in the first 2 years of the journal…

When I get out of the car in the morning at work, I’m almost automatically in Captain mode. Once I’ve had coffee, it’s on. The minute I get back in the car to head home, I switch back… and fret mode is in full effect. I lose my patience more, I’m moody, etc.

Let me re-phrase, it’s all my personality, it’s just some situations bring about the other parts more than others. Talking about it like I am makes it sound like I’m nuts.

Then why don’t I just work on keeping the captain part of me out full time? It would be easier on certain aspects of life… but I just can’t. I have to have a balance, or else I just become too desensitized. Granted, lately, at home I’ve been way too sensitive to certain issues in my life, and it’s not fun. That’s why this past weekend the Captain showed up in force Saturday night… I needed to just let off some steam, and not worry about what was happening in my day to day life at home. I gave myself boundaries. No putting myself in positions that would upset my wife (meaning I wasn’t in skin bars, or picking up on chicks), No drugs alcohol excluded, No playing with fire arms… but other than that it was free for all. Which is why I drank Jager.

Funny, today some kids asked,’You ever been really wasted before?’

I said, no. (haha)

Then they asked,’Ever drink Jager?’

I wanted to gag, but I had to politely deny their inquiry. “No. That stuff might hurt me.”

HAHA “might” It did, it destroyed me.

The new session is good so far. My economics classes are full, the kids pay attention, and things are going smoothly, despite the large class sizes.

I also made a kid cry today. I told her her drawing, ‘really wasn’t very good.’ She knew it, but hearing it sometimes isn’t the best thing. I told her she failed to grasp the concepts I was hoping for, and she’d need to start over.

This made her cry.

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One Comment
  1. I think The Captain is some devious personality put into your brain by Crochet James.

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