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Year 4 Day 30- Running Diary Part II

by admin on October 2nd, 2006

In case you missed the first part. It was epic. I went back and added a few details I missed, and tried to correct some of the spelling.

I forgot to mention that on the way from the top of the lawn area we had more beers…bottles of Coors Lights.

When we left us wet were on Beer #10 for Dow Jones and Beer #9 for the Captain. We left the Download festival prior to its official end time, and headed for the city by the bay to Market Street to stay at a travel lodge…to officially get looped.

9:12 We park and walk to the hotel. We see a bum with a stack of random trash and about 400 CDs. Weird. Dow wants to give him money. For some reason he doesn’t.

9:25 We are in line waiting for our room. There is a sign that says, ‘We have no rooms now.’
This is funny, did they have rooms 5 mintues ago? We get to the window fairly quickly Dow throws out his card, and tells them we have a reservation via priceline.com. Things appear to be going smoothly at first. Then the wheels fall off.

9:27 The man has no idea how to enter information into the computer. He appears to be randomly hitting buttons and seeing if they do anything. Every minute or so he asks us a random question. ‘you get this at priceline?’

9:35 He’s STILL working at the computer. Some guy comes up to the window tries to get his attention, and he doesn’t budge. The man leaves in disgust. There is a line behind Dow and I that is 5 people long. Everyone in the line is pissed. I make the comment, ‘This guy is going to need a gatorade shower from his when this is all over.’ Everyone in line chuckles.

9:40 He’s finally getting the keys ready.

9:45 We goto the room. The keys don’t work. We have to go back to the window.

9:46 We get new keys, he gives us three for some odd reason. ‘I gave you three key.’ he says. I guess he figures one should work…

9:47 The key works…we enter our room. It has one bed. Dow is not happy.
[Dow Jones] I CALLED them and SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR 2 BEDS! F**** Bastatrds!
Call them and see if we can get another room….

9:48 The man informs me he has a roll away bed.

9:49 Dow Jones returns with the roll away, and kindly offers to sleep on it.

10:10 We drink our last Coors Lights #11 for Dow and #10 for me overall. Dow Jones gets wrapped up watching sportscenter, and complaining about anything he can as far as why his team isn’t in the playoffs. I finally convince him it’s time to go drink.

10:15 We cross the street. Dow tells me ‘this trip is going to be epic’ We try to give hand pounds, and miss. We always miss.

10:25 We arrive at our first drinking stop. The Toranado. They serve beer, only beer, and lots of it. Dow tells me on the way down that the bartenders here are surley, and can be a bit grumpy if you order something crazy, try to pay with a card, or order Coors Light. I order something called the Deuce. In honor of Dow and my fantasy football team…or maybe it is in honor of last nights Thai food…I don’t know.

10:27 The Deuce tastes like exactly that. It’s too hoppy for me. Even more so after consuming nothing but Coors Light and PBR all day. I hate the deuce…but I drink it. Dow’s beer tastes like a bunch of hop plants took a dump in his beer…it’s strong and gross.

10:28 We notice Waterworld is on the TV. It looks like a horrid movie. Even worse than I remember it. This is Dow’s #12 beer and my #11.

11:08 We’re still watching Waterworld I’m on beer #12, a Hoegaarden, and Dow is on #13, something called Pliney the Elder…sounds like Lord of the Rings crap to me. He tells me it’s a very strong beer. My notes for this portion say ‘Drunk x2’ I guess we’re both getting looped by this point.

11:15 I’m on beer #13 a Budvar from the Czech Republic…it comes in a bottle. It’s a bigger beer. Dow is in the crapper. I have to chase someone out of his seat. Waterworld is still on, and we’re stillkind of watching it. I notice the bar is packed now.

11:20 I use the restroom. It smells thick with piss. There are about 400 pee soaked towels all over the floor. I pee and leave as soon as possible.

11:24 Water world is STILL on. I now I was pissed, because I broke my pen writing the word STILL on my notepad.

11:40 We leave Toranado and head out. Dow is hammered. He tells me about 120 times how hammered he is. He also informs me ‘this trip is EPIC!!’ I start badgering him about where we’re drinking next. He insists we buy beer and go back to the hotel and drink. I call him lots of names, mostly associated with female genetalia. He keeps walking, although he stumbles some.

12:00 We see this mexican joint, and somehow decide tacos would be ‘bangin’ We go into order. Dow convinces me to buy 2 Negro Modelos. I get the beers, and 2 tacos. We sit and eat. I drink my beer #14. Dow just eats his taco, talks about random mish mash…and leaves his beer undrank but for a sip.

12:12 We’re on the road now. I goto a corner store to buy beer. We both go in. Dow says ‘he’s not drinking anymore…he’s hammered’ I call him names, and we leave the store.

12:13 Ten feet down the road he asks me,
[Dow Jones] ‘Did you buy those beers?’
[Captain] No.
[Dow Jones] WHYYYY you should have?
[Captain] You said you didn’t want any…
[Dow Jones] go buy those beers…

12:15 I run back in the store grab two bigger beers, Pilsner Urquell’s and some chips then go to pay. Dow Jones isn’t coming inside…he’s just taunting me from outside. ‘Whaaadyoudoin? Whattyagettin? bigger beers?’ I try and not laugh. The man behind the counter is not happy with me. He puts the beers in little brown bags. ‘Sweet wine-o bags!’ I tell him. I don’t think he condones drinking in public. But that’s what I’m about to do.

12:16 I crack my beer in the lot. Dow won’t drink his. He just wants to hold the bag. This is beer #15 for me. I definately feel it. Dow is leading us down the road. I’m drinking my brew out of the wine-o bag.

12:20 Dow tells me we’re lost. Funny, but not only are we lost, we’re lost in the gayest part of the world. I believe this is the time where we started talking about fighting. Dow had just fallen in the street, nearly breaking his unopened beer. He got up and I think I told him I’d knock him out if he wasn’t going to drink. He suggested I do it. I responded with. “I’m serious we should f*****ng fight. We’re drunk, it won’t hurt.’

12:21 I tell Dow to punch me in the arm as hard as he can. He hits me several times. I tanut his weakness until it turns to rage, and he whelts me a good one. I’m drunk and it hurt. My turn. I slug at his arm, and miss a few times. He calls me names girls call their privates when they talk nasty. I let back and drill him with a left hook. ‘OK. That F***** hurt.’

12:24 I can’t imagine what people around us are thinking. We’re hammered, both carrying wine-o bags, punching the crap out of one another, yelling obscenities at each other, all in the very gayest part of the world. I think deep down we were trying to let everyone know we were real men.

12:25 We’re lost. Dow has no clue where we are. I ask directions a few times. We go to this cookie place after we pee in the stree behind some road construction vehicles. They sell these gay underwear. I really try to convince Dow to buy himself some. He won’t. We fight some more.

12:27 I try to get him to go into a bar and get shots of a kamikazi or something. He’s not having it.

[Dow Jones] Dude. I’m HAAAAAAAM BONED. We’re lost-
[Captain] We’re not lost…what..you not comfortable enough with yourself to get a shot in a gay bar.’
[Dow Jones] I’m not getting no kamikazi’ or anything in no gay bar. LOOK there are dude’s holding hands everywhere around here. We’ll get shots when we get back to the room at the bar across the street.

12:35 Dow is gone…he’s mumbling about how lost we are, and how we need a cab. Even though I just asked for directions got us back on Market, and we’re literally 5 blocks from our hotel.

12:45 I turn to see Dow has flagged down a cab, and is getting in. I get in back and we proceed on the worlds shortest cab ride.

12:50 We’re out of the cab and heading to the bar across the street from our hotel. Dow and I argue about what to drink. We punch each other some more.

[Dow Jones] Dude…I’m get Jager shots…Jaeger shots JAGER shots. NO. We’re not getting anything but Jager. I’m buying them, I’m picking them out. We’re doing Jager shots.
[Captain] fine.

The bar is dark, moody, and has a nice ambiance to it…or maybe i’m just way to looped. dow has stepped up to the bar and ordered our shots. The bartender hates us right away. We both sense this, and chug our shots. I HATE JAGERMEISTER. Hate it with a passion. You know how I know I’m hammered. I do a shot of Jager. I decide to take a bottle cap to a bottle of Chambord….as a token of the bar.

1:06 I wrote ‘Thrown punches. Captain wins.’ I would assume this means we’re hitting each other again.

1:10 we get back to the room I give dow the chips I bought. He informs me I bought them because he’s my friend. I agree. He eats two, says they suck, then falls on the roll away, mumbles something about ‘this was epic’ and passes out within 45 seconds.

This is the part of the story where time stops. I was no longer capable of writing anything down.

At some point I woke up feeling VERY much not well. I made it into the bathroom where I promptly puked all over the toilet. Not in the toilet, ON the toilet. I thrashed around at which time I threw up in the sink, and in the shower. Now when I’ been’ drinkin’ I like to lay in a warm shower and just let myself puke away. It is relaxing, and well, it washes the vomit off. I’ve been a practicer of the mid-vomit shower for years now. Firm believer.
I got in the shower after I hosed the first wave of chuke out….and curled up fetal style, and laid there. At some point The water temp. was getting too cold, so I attempted turn it hotter. I turned it the wrong way. about 1.5 seconds after I slapped the handle (let’s be honest, I was in no frame to pay attention, I just threw an arm at the handle, and hit it in a direction) the water went ice cold. I convulsed violently, like a fish in a frying pan. I think I tried to scream, because…prior to that time I was in the happy place of lying in a warm shower…throwing up/sleeping/dying. I now am covered in ice cold water/totally disorientated/sick I finally manage to get warm again, and doze back into happy land.

At some point I feel like sleep in a bed is something I need. I get up…wash some of the vomit out of the sink…clean a tad, turn off the light, and head to the bed. Dow is passed out. He has no idea what just happend.

Had the night ended here. It would have sucked. It wasn’t over.

I laid in bed about 20 seconds and wave #2 decided to come play. When I stood up to go back to the bathroom. I couldn’t see, becuase my eyes hadn’t readjusted to the dark…so instead of running to the bathroom, I ran to the chair next to the bathroom.

I was flailing around violently for the opening to the bathroom, and found nothing. Puke was coming. I wasn’t having any luck with finding anything…it was like being trapped in a dark hole.

Then the vomit came. I knew in my head throwing up on furniture was not good. SO I held it in. Not fun…having once eaten mexican food and jager in your mouth makes for a bad taste…SO bad in fact it caused a violent reaction.

Some people know this as projectile vomit.

I spewed forth all over the chair…turned…and shot more on the ground. Now I’m just trying to get to the restroom. I still can’t see…not so much becuase of the dark, but more because everytime I try and gauge my location more puke comes out. I puke on the other chair in the room, the desk, the wall…and the nightstand.

Dow is sound asleep.

Finally…FINALLY I get back into the bathroom, and mess up the inside of the toilet, the shower, the sink, the floor..and anything that had some sort of tile on it.

I decided another shower was in order, so I crawled back in…and laid there for an unknown period of time. I threw up a couple times…even poked my head out to vomit in the sink some more…which was weird.

When I was sure I was done, I dealt with cleaning up what I could see…which was the pile in the sink, on the toilet seat, and on the floor in the bathroom…it used a lot of toilet paper…but I got about 80% of it. I also took a towel and got the stuff off the main floor. I had to scoop it up and put it in the toilet. It’s way gross…buty at this point I’m immune to the smell…and feel so bad that nothing is going to shock me.

I do as much cleaning with the towel as I can…because I know it’ll be less fun to clean in the morning..plus I don’t want to step in it again.

After 40 minutes or so of cleaning I realize I’m not using a towel, I’m using my shirt and sweater.
I really, honestly, hurt too bad to care. I just threw it on the ground and went to sleep.

I have no time when this was…at some point during the orderal, and I’m not sure if it was wave 1 or 2 but it was 3:34. I assume it was near 4:30 when it was all over.

9am- Dow’s phone goes off to wake us up for the morning football games we’re going to go watch. I hurt. Dow informs me he hurts as well. I tell him I threw up.
[Dow Jones] Where?
[Captain] Pretty much everywhere.

He had no idea…I was involved in a fit of violent relase, and he slept throughout the entire event.
He tells me many times how sad he was he missed it. He said he’s have taken a lot of photos, then urinated on me. Friends are nice sometimes.

When he saw the condition of my side of the room…he was disgusted and delighted…and wouldn’t stop laughing at my projectile puke story. I had the fun of cleaning the rest of the vomit up I missed the night before. I was impressed how good I was at getting it everywhere.

9:35 We finally start to leave the room Dow asks me a question.
[Dow Jones] Damn…my arm hurts for some reason.
[Captain] No. it hurts because I hit you there about 50 times.
[Dow Jones] Really? when did that happen and why?
[Captain] Right after the Mexican food and the store.
[Dow Jones] Mexican food? We ate Mexican food, what did we get at the store?
[Captain] More beer.
[Dow Jones] Why’d we get more beer? I was HAMMERED.
[Captain] We weren’t going to…you made me go get more.
[Dow Jones] I did? weird.

9:39 Dow is angry with me for using all the towels to wipe up my puke piles.

9:45 We leave. The room will never be the same again.

10:08 We get to the Green Sports bar to watch NFL games. I hurt.

10:10 We order a round of drinks. Coke for me. Bloody Mary for Dow. He’s rallying. I’m not capable. He tells me our fantasy team depends on it, and he’s not letting them down. I think he’s still drunk.

10:20 The place is packed with Jets fans.

10:40 Dow is on another Bloody Mary.

10:41 Some Coors Light promo people bring us PSPs to play Madden on. I play Madden, I play players on our fantasy team in order to rally us. At this point our team is performing less than poorly. Alex Smith is on the TV to our right and he might as well just take a dump on the field.

11:25 Dow goes to check on the Thai restaurant we ate at the previous year. He returns saying it’s closed.

11:40 The Coors Light promo gals give us key chains and NFL Schedules, The main promo guy gives me a free beer. Thanks d**k. I try to drink some, and the taste makes my stomach angry…so I stop…stick to coke.

11:50 I’m not sure entirely what Dow Jones has had to drink, but he’s drunk. He keeps screaming J-E-T-S JETS!!!! and ‘last night was epic dude…I can’t believe you projectile vommited!!!’

12:20 We’re headed to the Thai place…it’s OPEN, we’re both pumped for food. We get in and place our orders. Dow Jones orders another beer. He tells me he’ll keep me entertained for the ride home. I can’t wait. He pays for the food, and writes some a**kissey note on his credit card reciept about ‘BEST THAI FOOD EVER!’ I’m sure they appreciate it Dow. He tells me at least 4 times how he sat in the SAME spot the year before and drank the SAME kind of beer…but it wasn’t nearly as epic as this trip.

I’ll hand it to him, he held up the partying aspect of the trip both days. Good on you Dow.

We get the food to go and head back to the car. We’re both pretty bummed about the way our team played that day. ‘We’ll be lucky to break 50 Dow tells me.’

12:45 We’re on the way home. We stop in Richmond at a roach motel and eat our food in the parking lot. IT’s very good, and not spicy thank God.

1:00 Dow is angry at me because I won’t take him to the casino on our way home in lieu of going to my sons birthday.

1:20 He decides not to keep me entertained, and goto sleep.

The remainder of the ride home Dow is in and out of states of alertness. At one point he scribbles some stuff down on my pad and goes back to sleep. He wakes up, and laughs at me saying,

[Dow Jones]ha look how wasted you were your handwriting sucks. what’s that even say.’
[Captain] I don’t know…you wrote it.
[Dow Jones] I did? When?
[Captain] About 20 minutes ago.

I guess he was more drunk than he realized. I don’t think he sobered up from the previous night yet personally. We stopped on the way home only to buy a jar of olives, and I confess I was in a hurry, but Dow convinced me they’d be good to eat on the way home…and indeed they were.

4:30 I’m home.

It was a good trip. I got to see a few bands I’d wanted to see, and I was able to experience one of my top 10 drunkest moments ever. It reassured me that behavior like this needs to be spaced out a loooooooong time in between. I don’t project myself doing things like this for awhile. It was strangely like being one of my students for a night. I’m sure they do things like this all the time. My body can’t handle it anymore. It’ll take 3 days to feel right again.

I do have to hand it to Dow Jones though….it was epic.

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2 Comments
  1. That is one of the best puking stories EVAH.

  2. Eduardo permalink

    Congratulations… these two posts are probably your most epic ones since the very beginning. I nearly wet myself laughing, too.

    Right now, there are people sleeping in the room you filled with barf.

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