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Year 4 Day 30- Running Diary Part I

by admin on October 2nd, 2006

Before I get going on this marathon of writing, I’m going to preface it with a few comments. 1) The ordeal turned out to be way better than I thought, as far as material to write about goes. I blame the diary for causing me to behave in ways that I wouldn’t normally. 2) Really this story is more one for the record books in many regards, not really school related, but it’s going on this site for reasons I don’t even know.

Let’s get this going.

8:15am saturday- I left my house for the house of good friend Dow Jones (name made to protect identity) I kept my previous nights activities to a minimum to preserve energy for the following morning. I went to Thai food with my wife, which was WAY too spicey. When the food is so hot the juices from it make the napkin a weapon of mass destruction, it needs to not be consumed. Although I couldn’t feel my toungue, lips, nose (from the napkin) and most of my digestive track, I ate anyway. I mention it because it will come into play later.

8:30 I arrive at Dow’s house. He’s ready to go, we have to just burn my soundtrack for the trip onto his I-pod. His computer is slow, but we get it done fairly smoothly, only stopping to watch an Indian midget top rock.

8:45 We get outside, and discover Dow Jones truck has a flat tire. He’s not happy. He had just gotten through telling me how good of a deal he got on the tires when he bought them that wednesday.

8:47 Quickly, I decide I’ll drive. We’re not happy, but we’re not letting a minor setback keep us from the weekend. The only issue is that me driving means stopping to gas up, get ice for the 12 pack of Coors Light in the ice chest, and I need to get my oil changed.

8:51 We stop at the 76 station to gas up. Dow gets the gas going and I walk in to get a bag of ice.

8:55 I’m inside, and the guy working the counter walks right past me, and into the restroom. He saw me grab the ice, and walk towards the register. I decide he’s a total d-bag, and wait for him at the register. He’s got a horrible hair dye job, and even worse acne. Plus he works at the 76 station. He must be close to ending it. He rings me up, has NO personality, doesn’t even says hi.

8:58 I’m back in the car, gassed, iced, and ready to get to the Juffylube.

9:10 We’re at the Jiffy Lube, and one of the captains old students is working. I’m pleased, not only will I get a discount, but I know I’ll get my car done correctly.

9:16 Dow and I walk down the street and wait for the car, we discover a few of the peacocks that live near me (I’m 3 blocks from my house at this point, yes, I live by a Jiffylube) We also discover something that we think resembles a crack pipe. upon further review, we discover it is not a crack pipe…it’s a piece of some kids broken wonderman doll or something. We’re relieved to know we don’t know anything about crackpipes.

9:25 we head back to the lube, and my lube-tech tells me I have 2 license plate lights out. Being as we’ll be drinking some, and driving I get them fixed. We sit and wait the last 5 minutes for the car to get fixed.

9:29 Dow Jones says ‘today is going to be epic’ This is the first time I hear the word ‘epic’ assoicated with this trip.

9:31 We’re on the road towards the bay area.

10:38-10:46 Dow Jones is having a lot of trouble making his ipod radio tuner work. He wants me to tune my radio to a ‘low 80s frequency’ so he can make his ipod play through the radio. He’s having trouble. He checks the batteries, curses, turns it off and on, curses more, then decides it’s ‘f***ed’ and we listen to another CD. He vows to make it work by the end of the trip. Then reminds me ‘this trip is going to be epic.’

10:50 We stop in a little town to use the restrooms and the consume our first beverage.

11:00 the brew is consumed and I use the restroom. The Thai food from the previous night is ready to make a comeback. I’ll just say this. It’s still spicy.

11:01 I come out to see Dow Jones eating a ‘snack wrap’ which is a McDonalds attempt to make people think they’re health concious. I debate internally whether to go get a burger. I decide against it, and stick with making fun of D-Jones for his snack wrap.

11:11- We stop at a local olive producing store in the same town. They make fantastic olives, and have free samples which we eat. We vow to return for olives on the way home. I saw a LARGE women complaining about the heat. It was only about 75 degrees in the store. She was just too fat, that’s the problem.

11:44 We merge on to I-80 east, and Dow Jones suggests we goto the WOOZ. The WOOZ is a huge maze where people can PAY to go wander around in, and maybe make it out. I tell him I hate the WOOZ, but if we could go drink inside it, or they had a bar in the maze it might be more fun.

12:20 We stop at a rest area for brew #2. The Asian couple in the car next to us are making out. It’s a little awkward to be siiting here while people make out. It’s hard not to look. How does one continue to make out when there are people 3 feet away drinking Coors Light.

12:37- Dow lets out a belch, and we look over to see the couple is STILL making out. At this point Dow finds some old basketball cards in my door pocket, He finds a Wang Zhi ZHi card, and I tell him I’ll give him $20 if he goes and asks the Asian guy making out next to us for his autograph. ‘Will you sign this pleeeeease, I’m a huge fan.”

12:38 Dow responds that when the guy responds negatively for our Asian stereotyping, he’ll say, ‘Aren’t you Juwan Howard?” Because Juwan Howard is in the card too guarding Zhi Zhi.
We laugh about some variation of this joke for 5 solid minutes.

12:42 Eskimo kissing, they’re actually Eskimo kissing. WTF? who does this? We finish the beers, discard them, then hit the road again.

1:20 We’re locked into what D-Jones refers to as ‘mojo killing traffic’ It is a bummer.

1:30 We’re nearing the toll booth. Many cars are trying to weasel their way in front of people, which slows down EVERYONE. We get ready to play our customary betting game. What is the gender and ethnicity of the toll worker. I guess Black Male, Dow Jones guesses Asian Woman.

1:40 Hawaiian man. we both lose.

2:03 Dow is trying to tune the radio again to the ipod. He succeeds.

2:18 Dow Jones tells me for the 458th time ‘this trip is going to be epic.’

2:20 We’re at the show…in the parking lot. We need to pee, badly.

2:30 We return from peeing near a wildlife habitat area, all fenced off and everything. There were about 4 ladies waiting for the porta-john, so that would take too much time.

2:32 We each grab a couple Coors Lights and sit in the front seat to drink them. We learned last year, the hardway, that the cops patrol the parking lot in force, and WILL make you put out BBQs and pour out alcohol. We were determined to finish a couple this year before we got in the concert, and were forced to purchase $5 beers.

2:34 The first cop patrol passes us. We escape un-noticed. We notice a few people who made our mistake from the previous year, they’re forced to pour out all their beer. It’s sad to watch really.

2:42 I try to shave with an electric razor in my car…the batteries are nearly dead, it pulls out hairs rather than cuts them. It hurts. I quit shaving.

2:45 Beers #3 and #4 are done, and we decide to go in the show.

2:46 Dow Jones notices the cops on bikes have kickstands insists I write it down…calls them pu****s and comments that they do have nice bikes though. Reminds me, ‘today is going to be epic.’

2:55 I wrote down ‘gothic foosball’ I have no idea what this means. I don’t even remember who said it. It must be important though.

3:00 We get sprayed with TAG body spray from some ladies in the line area. I get a free can from one of the TAG reps. He insists I ‘keep it on the down low’ Whatever. I’m spraying this around like nobody’s business. They also give us rearview mirror smellers that stink like TAG.

3:05 We buy Pabst Blue Ribbons for $5 a cup

3:10 Someone asks us to go to a ‘Meet and Greet’ for one of the bands. Dow Jones thinks they say ‘Mean and Green.” He asks “What’s Mean and Green??” They give us light up key chains.

3:15 I’m trying to see if the TAG body spray lives up to the hype. I spray myself and go stand in foot traffic, to see if the ladies will attack me. It’s a gutsy move..but I’m 4 beers down…and well The people spraying told me it took about 15 minutes.

3:18 nothing. TAG body spray sucks.

3:20 Rogue Wave take the stage. Judge Ito plays bass for them, and he’s got a pirates’ eye patch. I love him. Dow Jones points out some chick whose butt crack is showing, and she’s got pimples all over. NICE. I suggest she may have allergies. I spill half my beer. I’m not happy.
We see a lady with a large soda. The following chat results.

[Dow Jones] she’s got a bigger soda. (We commonly refer to any beer bigger than 12oz as a ‘bigger’ beer.
[Captain] Bigger beer, bigger dumper.

This line will amuse us the remainder of the trip.

3:55 Rogue wave starts their last song, we go to get food and more beer. This is beer #6 We decide on burritos from this mexican place. They’re fair. They remind me of a glorified microwave burrito. We eat, then go wander around to see the exhibits and try for free things. There’s a small stage set up to look like the inside of a garge. Some young kid is playing guitar. Some dude who may be his dad is playing drums. They’re not too good.

4:30 We go to the Napster booth. They have a claw game. I win a years subscription to Napster and a T-shirt in one grab. I might be the best man alive at claw games.

4:45 We go buy beer #7and some garlic fries, then go to watch TV on the Radio. From the top of the lawn area. I must say the guitar player has the most awesome beard I’ve ever seen on a black man. Ever. They’re songs are pretty good too.

4:47 Some guy is carrying too many beers he spills 1/8 off the top so they won’t spill when he carries them. Dow Jones is gets pretty angry because of this and calls the guy a dumbass.

4:48 After noticing the crowd we’re mixed in with Jones comments to me, ‘some people try too hard.’ I would agree with him. Although the lady with 56 eye rings and a green mohawk might be dissappointed.

5:20 I can’t remember the name of my TAG body spray. I call it ‘Hot Sun’ and ‘Big Sun’ The man guarding the ‘family zone’ yells at us to back up, then tries to get information on the alcohol in my pocket…it’s my TAG body spray can. You can’t have my Big Hot Sun spray.

5:24 He goes off on someone for cutting through the family section to get to their friends. He does this to everyone. He’s the family section nazi.

5:40 The whole lawn smells like pot, and the guy is hellbent on busting people for cutting through the family section. He’s got priorities, and they suck.

5:50 On our way to Coheed and Cambria I go into the money booth. It’s one of those micro-wind-tunnel booths where wind throws fake money all over, and you try in a drunken haze to grab it, decifer what prize is on the money, then grab hold and wait for the wind to stop. As I enter the machine the guy coming out notifies me ‘I got the last key chain…it’s all money clips now.’
5:51 It was all money clips.

5:52, we go to claim my money clip…they’re free regardless of the fake money coupon. they also have CDs to give away. We take one.

6:00 Coheed and Cambria take the 2nd stage. They rip. They’re so friggin’ loud they blow a speaker 30 seconds into the show. They still rip. Technically they are masters of their guitars. The singer reminds me of Rolph the muppet dog from the old muppet show. He’s pretty into the show. The other guitar player uses a Frampton talkbox. This show has it all. I see two punk rock lesbian ladies. I think I’ve seen them 500 times in my everywhere. They look familiar. The male-esque one has a mohawk, and a whole slew of attitude. I wonder if she’d put up a good fight? I kind of want to fight her/him.

6:55 We leave 3/4 of the way into the last Coheed and Cambria song so we don’t miss Muse.

7:00 Muse comes on the stage. Dow Jones is drinking another beer #8 for him. I stopped before Coheed and Cambria. I have to drive, and sober up some. I’m a responsible captain.

8:00 Muse is over. We see some people Dow Jones knows. I recognize one of them from high school. weird. Dow Jones tells me the girl that was with them ‘used to be hot for his d***’

8:20 we’re back to our car now. We’re not staying for Beck. we’d both kind of like to see him, but we’d have to suffer through the yeah yeah yeah’s first…and we just can’t do that.

We hoped the oreder would be different. We crack beer #8 for me and #9 for Dow Jones. I’m sobererer now…so it’s ok to have another. Right?

8:25 We’re on the freeway now headed to the city. Dow Jones lets me know ‘This trip is EPIC!’
Not yet it’s not.

This is where the first installment will end. We finished our cans and drove into downtown SF to our hotel on Market St. Where my Diary will pick up next….and the trip indeed becomes, ‘epic.’

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One Comment
  1. eduardo permalink

    I’m tingling with anticipation for Part II…

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