Oh Captain, My Captain

My home hospital student is driving me crazy….but I can sympathize with her situation…so it’s hard to do anything other than be unresponsive.

The girl must be 17…has TWO kids…and lives in what I can best describe as gross-city. I’ve been going there for several weeks…and I still have no clue who actually lives in the residence, and who is just ‘hanging out’ There is trash everywhere….front yard….inside…everywhere. There’s food left out all over…it smells. Then there is the flies; Hundreds of flies inside…outside…they’re everywhere. Not to be overly humorous…but the only time I see that many flies is when they’re attached to starving kids in Africa on TV.

The people inhabiting the place don’t seem overly concerned either….someone is usually involved in a game of Grand Theft Auto when I arrive…and one wall is littered with maps and codes for the game.

In my opinion…it’s not REALLY the kind of place I would want to live…let alone raise two kids…one of which is only about 3 weeks old.

How do you handle it? My real goal is to make sure she has homework…knows how to do it…and is getting it completed. What I want to do is say.

“Look you live in absolute squalor….I just saw an actual pig walk by and decline entrance. YOU ARE RAISING KIDS! PULL YOUR HEAD FROM YOUR ASS AND CLEAN THIS PLACE UP…if not for guests….FOR YOUR BABIES!!!

The kids are always clean, as far as kids go…and appear fed…and loved….but the place they inhabit is foul.

When I look at it another way…I guess, technically, I am paying for it…I could tell them to clean it.

The whole thing is ridiculous.

However…I can’t even fathom what life would be like in that situation. Undereducated…raising two kids….nobody I know has any clue how to perform ANY kind of job…or basic task. Apathy has taken over this house…and doesn’t appear to be willing to release its fat rear from their couch anytime soon.

What made the situation kind of tick me off was when I heard a student here say..

“Oh yeah she wants 7 kids…”

Really?

I don’t think she has that role model in life that can smack her upside the cranium and get her motivated…

When I see places like this…it does make me seriously consider forced sterilization for some folks….they need stricter rules for people to have kids.

Our school made it through another Halloween…the most useless day a school can possibly go through.  I would imagine kids are more useless on Halloween than any other school day of the year…last day of school, and day before Christmas break included.

There’s something about that lame day that brings out the absolute worst in kids.  The day basically boils down to an excuse for kids to push the dress code to its limits, and act like more of a freak than they would ordinarily.   This years’ event coincided with our Red Ribbon, ‘anti-drug’ week…which is always a great demonstration in silliness.  We have the HIGHEST percentage of drug use for all high schools in the area…and a majority of our k ids are HERE because of drug use…yet somehow we embrace the red ribbon campaign…and decorate our doors, and what have you.  Thanks Nancy Regan.

One kid finally put the nail on the head…”Kids here only like the red ribbon week because it gives them an excuse to draw pot leaves and mushrooms….then put a line through it.”

Yes…my thoughts exactly.

I always get a bunch of crap for not wanting to participate in the event.  We did have a pretty good speaker come in this time though.  He had been in a car wreck while smacked out on booze and dope…and lived through it…walked away…but because he was so loaded…he didn’t see the downed power lines…hit one with his shoulder…and ended up blowing it and both his knees out with the power surge.   Now he is a one armed man.  A very cool one-armed man. He has ridden a special bike from Seattle to NYC…and done some other things…and his message was basically.

“If your goal is to be your best…and drugs and alcohol will not allow you to ever be your best…then why do them.”

The kids, for the most part paid attention…although….I heard them talking this morning, and honestly…most of them did drugs and alcohol over the weekend.

Point…NOT taken.  Thanks for trying one-armed man…thanks for trying.

One fad that has sprung up in the past couple years that truly annoys me is the “INSANE CLOWN POSSE” which, if you’re not aware of them…well…consider yourself blessed.  I can’t call them a music group…because that is doing a disservice to music groups everywhere, even the ones that can’t play instruments.  They’re a group…of guys who dress like clowns…picture KISS meets Ronald McDonald….and then rap.  I’m not sure exactly what they rap about…small cars, big tents…horns…who knows…but the kids love them…mostly the type of kid that goes to our school.  I’m guessing the rebellion these ‘angry clowns’ sing about strikes a chord deep within our students troubled souls.  Halloween was an excuse for them to wear face paint to school.

I of course made fun of them.

They don’t handle it well being teased about their favorite music group. My humming circus music every time they walked by infuriated them; asking them to bring me a happy meal when they went back to work…made them even angrier.  Saying things like, “Hey I didn’t know KISS looked like that?” did not set well with them.

“Ronald McDonald….please take a seat?” 

Didn’t like it.

“Is Mr. McDonald here today?  Is Ronald McDonald at school today…..don’t all answer at once.”

Didn’t like that either.

“Hey I saw you guys come to school today…how the heck did you all fit in such a small car?”

Nope.

Really, making fun of the clowns was the only thing that made my day interesting.  I’m seriously considering staying home next year…

If I could go back in time….I would find the me who thought going into education was an awesome idea and smack the ever-loving crap out of him.

What was I thinking?

Why did I go into this profession?

Why does anyone go into this profession? 

I’d like to believe at some point I had the notion that what I did was going to make a difference in someone’s life…and that ultimately I would feel good…and rewarded for my efforts at educating children.  There would be warm fuzzy feelings, and I would possess them as a result of my diligence and caring.

I have feelings….but they aren’t so warm and fuzzy.

Mostly I feel like I’ve been socked in the crotch by a gorilla.

Financially going into education is a bad idea.  Whenever there is a loss in enrollment, budget cuts, or increase in requirements from the state we feel it.  It means we’ll have another year of no pay increase.  It also means our operating budget decreases.

My classroom budget this year is $100.

I’m not sure it’s the pay…the apathy of the students…or what, but education is in a bad way right now.  Teachers feel underappreciated, and are ultimately burnt out.  They don’t care.  Education should be a field filled with passionate people…who help develop the future of our country through its youth.

It isn’t.

Something is horribly wrong.  Why do I have a whole classroom full of high school students with a 5^th grade reading level?  How in the HELL did they get here?

I can only say that at some level it’s the teachers’ fault.  They are so burnt out they can’t go the extra mile to help those kids when they’re struggling….so they pass them…and let someone else deal with it.

It’s also the parents fault.  Parents!  Step up!  Your kids are moving through life with minimal skills.  If you’re a parent with a low level education…and can’t help your kids with their homework…so you feel bad and don’t try….you are doing your kids a disservice.

If you can’t help your 5^th grade student with his/her homework because you only have a 4^th grade education yourself…find someone who can.  Call the school…tell them

“Hey I’m not the brightest star in the sky…so I can’t help my kid with their homework…but he/she is struggling…and needs some extra help.”

I’m a firm believer parents should have school related discussions with their kids everyday.  I also think the more contact parents have with their students’ teachers the better. 

DO NOT expect them to call you when your kid is jerking up his class.  Does your boss call your wife when you are doing a bad job?  Do you expect them to? 

You are a parent.  Ask your kids how things are…take interest.  Call their teachers…ask them.  They’d be happy to talk with you…

We’re supposed to be readying kids for real life.  Nothing irritates me more than when a parent comes in and says.  “Mah kid’ is failing alg-u-bruh…why’n nobody call me?”

We send out deficiency notices.  That is too much in my opinion.  It should NOT be our job to tell parents their kids are not performing.  It should be their job, as concerned parents to find out…

If school was really helping their kid prepare for reality.  Their kid would be fired…sent home for not being able to achieve.

We need to revamp education….for real.  Parents need to be forced to help their kids, and take a constructive role in their upbringing.  Teachers need to keep their expectations high and not let kids who can’t freaking function at grade level pass on to the next level.

THERE SHOULD BE NO KIDS IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH 4^TH GRADE READING LEVELS!!!!!!

Reading and writing are the two of the most important skills kids learn early on.  Kids should NEVER be allowed to pass on unless they are at least at an 85% pass rate in those two subjects. 

If you read about at a C level in 3^rd grade….chances are you’ll slip a bit the following year…maybe to 65%….then 60% the next year…so by the time you hit 6^th grade you’re at a 55% level…which will do you no good.

‘A’ students and high ‘B’ students will usually rise up to the next level…because that’s what they do.  C students usually are barely making it, and at some point…drop down.

If education were run correctly we would take all these kids with 4^th grade reading levels in the high school and ship them back to 4^th grade.

‘Hey this one isn’t right…fix it!’

I don’t have all the answers by any means…but when my days are filled with kids who perform several grade levels below where they’re required to be…I’m not going to be able to help them.  It’s a waste of my time.  The kids learn to come to school for socialization…not education.  They assume they’ll get moved on, like always.

Parents and elementary teachers WISE UP!

I’m back.  For how long, I’ve no idea…but for now…I’ve things to discuss…and am going to do so…let’s get right into it.

I got bit by a dog yesterday.  That’s always awesome.  How many educators can say that? I got BIT…by a dog…at my job.  I have a home school student….and they have dogs.  Many dogs is what they actually have….only one, however, was of any concern to me….and rightly so apparently.

Three of the dogs are in the Chihuahua size range…and while their matching sweatshirts are a tad intimidating…I doubt they could inflict any damage.   The 4^th dog…a black lab…named aptly enough ‘Cuda…which I can only assume is short for barracuda…seemed nothing less than hostile from the first time I saw him. 

Yesterday I arrived…as always…and the dogs were outside.  However…after I had taken my seat to begin working with the student…some old guy, that eerily resembled the oldest dude from A Texas ‘Chainsaw Massacre’ came home from who knows where and let the dogs in.

The lab ran straight for me.  There was some kind of wet nose on my hand, immediately followed by a set of teeth on my jacket.  Luckily I had pulled my arm closer to my body, in anticipation of his frothy anger…so he only got my coat….but it was close enough that I’m going to bring a knife with me from now on…so I can stab that filthy sucker if he comes for me again.

When I left…the kid’s father walked me out and said….

“Lemmie make sure the dogs are put up….don’t gotta worry bout the little ones…but you do with the lab.”

No kidding…

I just needed to get that off my chest…but the main reason I’ve resumed my duties as Captain…

This year we have the most immature set of students we’ve ever had here.  Ever.  It’s ridiculous.  That’s why I needed to bring the Captain out of retirement…I am unable to grasp the levels of which the kids perform without him.  They take immaturity to a new level. 

I have many new and exciting examples I’ll enjoy sharing with you as the weeks progress…I can’t promise any drawings…because my scanner is whacked up…but hopefully my words will do some justice to the crazy world I’ve been thrown into.

I WAS actually content in my job…and situation…which is why I discontinued the writing…there was nothing to write about.  I worked hard and the kids responded.  Life was, by all accounts…routine…and boring.  NOW…I work hard, and the kids get more retarded by the second.  It’s unbelievable.  The more I try to engage them…the worse they act.

Come join me again won’t you….let’s get this band back together.

Hey,   What it is?…I’ve decided to return from hiatus and drop a post.  The main reason for my lack of posting, and thus my lack of coming anywhere near achieving my yearly goals for this site are both fortunate, and unfortunate.

Fortunately, it means I’m doing a good job…and that business is good.  Unfortunately, it’s not much fun to read….the kids work most all the time…and there is very little room for their messing around.  The amounts of interesting things that happen here have dwindled to almost nothing.  Please accept my apology, and read the updates…so you know what is going on.

-We got our photography program up and running, and already won awards…and had the highest number of accepted entries in the county show.  It took exactly 1 session of the class to achieve those goals.  Now what?  I thought it’d take a little longer.

-Our graduating class this year is going to be roughly the same size as the years past.  Every year we look in April, and swear this will be the year when we have only 6 or 7 graduates.  A month passes and we somehow end up with 30. 

-Our district went through humongous budget cuts, just like the rest of the state…and somehow our school wasn’t affected too much.  We lost one teacher for only part of the day.  Really, nothing changed.

-I went to
Reno again…and kept nice notes…but never wrote anything about it.

-We’ve had a miniature gay-revolution on campus recently.  A few kids have decided that becoming gay would get them attention, and cause uproar with staff and students…and thereby solidify the outcast persona they’ve craved…so the kids have become somewhat gay.  One of the biggest actors in this bug gay circus is planning on joining the military….I think his recruiter might want to know how his solider is acting.

I’d bet he’d “straighten” up pretty quick.

-The staff here seems to have found their groove and put the year in cruise control…waiting for summer, which is only a few weeks away.  The longer I do this teaching thing, the faster time flies.  I’m almost 1/3 of the way done with my career, and couldn’t be happier.

-I spent $300 on a new camera cabinet, and it broke the 3^rd week.  The box it came in made it look like it was made out of metal…but it was only made out of grey particle board.  Not the sturdiest thing ever. I now have the chore of finding a replacement cabinet in a time when we have no budget.

-There has only been one recent fistfight…and it was between two ladies.  All our fights this year have been girl fights.  This fight started over a computer, and ended up with a chair being flipped over and used as a shield as the other girl tried to pummel her face.

-I took a week off to go to
Arizona

-one of my least favorite kids finally finished all the work in my class…and ended up being a lot nicer in the end….funny how that worked out for him.  The minute he started trying, and being civil…the easier time he had actually passing my class.

-The kids here have really been pretty well behaved.  We still have the 5 or 6 kids who won’t do anything…and drive people nuts…but mostly they’ve been good, except this session.  The last session is always the hardest.  The only k ids who try the last 6 weeks of the year are the ones who are either A) good kids no matter what the situation, or B) the kids who are going to possibly graduate.  The rest of the kids have decided that there really isn’t a big difference if they start next year needing 60 credits to graduate, or 68 credits to graduate…so they stop trying.   I suggested we have them dig giant holes the remainder of the year, and award PE credits for the team with the deepest hole…but it got shot down.

-Only a few teachers went to the state conference this year.  I was not one of them, which took away one of the only interesting posts I had planned for the year.   I was actually in
Arizona while it was going on…so I don’t feel too bad for missing it.  I will most likely be at next the event next year. 

-I’ve been debating a lot about just never ever posting on this site again….mostly because nothing exciting ever happens…but also because I just don’t feel like it serves the same purpose for me any longer.  This used to be a place to vent, and to lay out all the frustrations I had working here.  I’m not frustrated any more, or at least not on a daily or regular basis…so I have nothing to work out in my ramblings.  I think next year, I will really try to keep it going, but on a weekly basis…something exciting has to happen in a week…

Honestly, I woke up this morning, fearful of school.  I had a nightmare where the kids wouldn’t listen to me..and I ended up dropping a f-bomb fueled tirade on them…it was ugly.  While I’m not thrilled to be back, I’m glad today is an inservice, and we’re only working on making sure we have standards based assessments for each session.  I’m finishing the last one.  Tomorrow, the kids return, to begin what will be 4 straight days of them catching up on all the drama that went down over Christmas break. 

In two weeks our Photo program begins.  I’m really excited.  I’ve been waiting for a class like this for almost 10 years.  I honestly thought, with the cost, and practicality of a program like this in the current school systems…it wasn’t ever going to happen.  My only problem now will be seeing if I can put aside my personal photo opinions long enough to actually teach them something, or will I just cringe at their lack of thought, or skill…and meltdown on them.

I had a great photo teacher in college who had v ery little patience for stupidity.  He had very high standards, and honestly, very few people ever lived up to them.  My friend and I for some reason were fortunate enough that we were adequate with the camera, and blessed with enough common sense to not ask dumb questions…we got along well with him.  Other people, who perhaps even had more of a desire to learn in the class were crapped on by him because they asked too many questions, or just acted in a way that annoyed him.

 I find my teaching style is a lot of ways, is like his.  The older I get the less I can stand stupid people.  In art, while I really enjoy the subject….I don’t do my own art enough to take stupidity personally.  Photography is what I do when I’m out….I take it a lot more personally than I do the other mediums.  I can see myself becoming really annoyed with the kids if they do something I find inappropriate.

Thankfully, I have almost complete control of all aspects of this class.  I pick the kids I want in, and I can pretty much choose when and what we shoot.  There are about 10 kids at this school who would be the end of me if I had to watch them hold one of our nice new school cameras.  I’d snap for sure.

One some accounts it’s nice to be back…see everyone, catch up, and break back into routine.  I didn’t go out to lunch with the majority of the staff today.  I like to hang out with them, but I just don’t see spending the extra cash on lunch, when I have perfectly good food at home I can bring and eat.  Some of the staff joke that I’m anti-social.  I kind of am.  I mentioned, that I find myself getting more easily annoyed with people…this is magnified with larger groups.  I like majority of the people I’m working with, a lot…but a couple start to get me after 30 minutes.  They’re nice people, but I think we just have differences in approaches on life…so they bug me.

Oh well…I have 20 more multiple choice questions to get done in the next 30 minutes.

let’s see how the kids are t0morrow.

Two periods left in the day before the students go home for 2 weeks, and all hell has to break out.  One of our new teachers, had brought her daughter with her to school in the afternoon, and was JUST playing some trivia games with the kids, as fun activities for a Frdiay.  She was giving out $10 movie bucks for 1st, and $5 for second and $5 for third.  Ok first off, she’s a lot better person than I, because I wouldn’t even give them 5 cents.  I guess one of the kids took offense to being 2nd, and flipped out…demanded his other $5.

When his tantrum was not met with proper response time, he threw a chair at the window.  Needless to say this rattled the poor lady, who was not only fearful for herself, but for her 3 year old daughter.  The kid also got in her face and cursed her out.

Of course, by the time I heard about it the situation was “under control” and the culprit was fetal in the principal’s office screaming about his life of woe.

I missed it all. 

Stuff like that never happens to me.  Had one of my kids been here, and that kid pulled shinanigans like that on me.  I might have punched him.  It’d have been hard not to.  It was hard to not go find the kid for being such a dirt ball, and let him know how I felt about it. 

You don’t pull that crap on female teachers, that ain’t right.

My excitement for the day was centered around one of my favorite kids, who is out to ruin my soul.  He’s extremely mad at me because I write him referrals everytime he takes his cell phone out in my room.  He has about 5 hours of detention to serve as a result of my referrals.  Now he tries to be a jerk to me to gain the approval of his peers.

“Why do you like teaching?”

“Never really thought about it?”

“It’s for the power you get to have huh?  You like writing referrals don’t you?  You sure must not want kids to like you….that’s got to be your goal…if I were a teacher, I’d be cool.  You like not being cool?  You like it when kids don’t like you?”

“I just like writing your referrals.”

The kid is a know it all, who acts like Eddie Haskell when he’s trying to weasel out of getting in trouble.  It’s never worked on me, and it kills him.  I’ve developed a knack for finding him with his phone out….it always gets him in more trouble…and where as normally I’d warn someone at least once for having their phone out…now I write everyone a referral…and say, “well you can thank, ——- he doesn’t think it’s fair if I warn people…”

My real goal is to get him sent to the court school, where he has to wear a uniform, get escorted to the restroom, and be treated like the disrespectful person he is.

Today I made him move to the front row.  This is what spawned his tirade about me being a meanie.

“Why do I have to move?”

“Because.  You have an F….sitting in the back room isn’t working so hot for you.  Perhaps, if you were closer, you might pay attention more.”

“I don’t have my phone.”

“I don’t recall mentioning your phone…”

Well I’m out…too much to do.

Have a Merry Christmas

I’m near death  today.  I feel HORRIBLE.  My sinuses are full of snot and pressure.  The right side of my head hurts.  My eyes hurt.  The pressure in my head is throwing off my equilibrium, and my ears are constantly plugged.  Everything sounds like a Charlie Brown special.

I wrote 3 referrals today for no other reason than I was sick. 

I actually started looking for reasons to write them, it was the one thing that made me feel better.

I still have to go to home school.

I have 2 students now.  One isn’t so motivated, and as I mentioned, her leg looks like a dinosaur chewed on it.   The peculiar thing is….she was well enough to go to Hawaii for a week.  Now, I’m not a Dr….but if I were to guess.  If you’re too injured to sit in a desk at school, you’re probably too injured to sit on a beach in Hawaii…and on an airplane in those cramped seats for 6 hours.

Unless, someone was using her to be able to board early, than I understand that.

I think in order to make a point, I’m going to threaten to drop her from the program….

The last time I went over there, I almost got a contact high from the couch…that place had been infused with mary jane smoke moments before I got there.  I’m telling you…one of these days I’ll be someplace when the drug task force busts in….it’s got to happen.

on that note, I’m heading home to die.

I had some fun today…

One of the new trends in our school is chewing tobacco.   The kids get their “fix” while maintaing their innocent demeanor, 75% of the teachers aren’t LOOKING for chew…so they get away with it.

I’ve played enoough sports to pick out a chewer pretty easily.  There’s 4 of them in one class who all “dip”  and today I got one of them.  The kid is already on the radar for misbehaving.  A referral for chewing in class would land him in the neighborhood of about 5 hours detention, and a possible suspension….all would NOT be good for him. 

He was chewing, and had a little bottle of powerade he was using as a spit cup.  Here’s how that played out.

[Captain]  Hey ________ you wouoldn’t be chewing in MY classroom would you?

[Gums] Uh….no…no…

[Captain] Good…because I’d have to give you a referral.

[Gums] …

[Captain] Hey _____ why don’t you do me a favor, that powerade seems to be distracting, and there’s only about 1/4 of it left…go ahead and drink that up….because I know that’s not a spit cup…because you said you weren’t chewing…

[Gums] Drink it?  you want me to drink it?

[Captain] yup, just chug it all down, and throw it away….

[Gums] *looking at his powerade bottle*

[Captain] Oh, so you were chewing…OK, I’ll write the referral.

The kid didn’t hesitate too much longer, and just chugged his luke warm tobacco spit….

The class erupted in gagging noises, and shock.  I informed the remaining chewers that even though ______ was clear of his his referral, the next time I suspected anyone of chewing I was going to write the referral, and not even tell them.

I heard later the kid wasn’t feeling good.

I predicted a girl fight, and there was some serious altercations the week before break.  I assume the girls had finally had it with the whore calling, and decided to deal with it.  We have one group of 4 girls who is not fond of another 2 girls.  They’ve been calling each other whore for about 3 weeks now.  It all came to a head and there was about to be a 6 person fight in the hall.  Unfortunate but the VP broke it up.  All I got to hear were a few last “WHORE!” screams, and some office doors slamming as the group of two was taken into the office to avoid more conflict.

Well, it didn’t quite end there, and later on as the group of 2 were waiting in the office for their ride home, the group of 4 sauntered by the office window, to irritate the group of two….the group of two wasn’t having it, and they bust out the office and into the hallway for a good old fashioned round of whore calling.  One of our teachers got shoved out of the way, and mayhem was about to ensue when the parent showed up, and a few other teachers…they split everything BACK up, and that’s where the conflict ended.  Break happened…and now, all seems to be forgotten. 

It might be awhile before we have a good battle.

Session 3 started this week, and that means we’re almost half way through the year.  It’s going by quickly.  I’m still trying to get the photo program up and running but that requires a lot of paperwork, and it also requires people to respond to my faxes and phone calls. 

I’ll be glad when it’s all set….the organizing part is awful.

I kind of like my classes this session.  I’ve managed to pawn off some of the more uninterested students on our “other art class”  I can’t even call it “art”  it’s the power craft hour as far as I’m concerned.  They make oragami birds, and paper stain glass…stuff like that.  It’s not art…it’s 3rd grade crafts.

The teacher isn’t thrilled with me for sending her my less interested students. 

“you’re welcome.”  is what I got today.  Hey, look, if that kid isn’t going to work in my class…perhaps she might be more productive cutting paper with scissors, and gluing it to more paper.  Some kids like lower expectations.  Even at my most frustrated, I won’t drop my standards….the craft class, to be fair, is more a break for that teacher…to get her out of constantly doing English…and be able to relax.  I don’t blame her for just cutting and gluing, and making some paper birds.

It’s not art in my opinion, but it’s certainly better than essays.

I had to work on art projects with my sons 1st grade class over break.  YIKES.  I am NOT a elementary scool teacher in any aspect.  My “standards”  mean nothing there.  Those kids won’t listen, and when I put my smack down on them, they ignore me far better than any high school kid.  My son listens….that’s good.  His buddies could care less about making their projects look right, they only care about putting glue in big piles…then moaning about how they can’t get the parts off their hands to stick on the project.

I need stuff like that to reassure me that I’m where I need to be.